Late Night Chaos.

words.  so many words.  we get so caught up in the words that we mistake them for the real thing.  they just point towards the real thing.  always pointing, never seeing.  mistake my finger for the finger of god.  my finger is god's finger.  and I pick god's nose with god's finger.

the boogers are the words.  icky icky words.  smelly words.  and that's as good as words can be.  the most beautiful words are just boogies compared to the real thing.  the real thing being, obviously, god.  words are gods boogies.  boogies boogies boogies.

recycled thoughts.  thinking for thinking's sake.  spontaneity and combustibility.  spontaneous combustion.  such a beautiful way to go!  one second man, next second flame!  let our thoughts be spontaneous and combustible.  no thought is worth two lives.

we only have one life.  and THIS is IT.  past future present.  all are illusions.  i will point to the naked earth, and that is one life.  i will point to the open sky, and that is one life.  i will point to you and then to me, and that is one life.  i will never point to a clock, that is no life.  that is illusion.

as i contemplate time, the universe, god, and all the other imaginary things, i am overcome with religious ecstasy.  it all flows.  through me, around me, however you want to say it.  it flows.

cuz beyonce.

i want u.

lights.  breathing lights.  smell the yellow.  orgasms in my fingers.  orgasms everywhere.  black orgasms.  pink orgasms.  i see the music.  surfboardt.  i feel it in my fingers.

im drowning.

always drowning, each breath is the first.  somehow i breathe submerged.  the water kills me and gives me life.  the breath escapes, the lungs fill, and i die.  the breath enters, the lungs fill, and i am born.

reincarnation.  the cycle of death and rebirth.  it happens to us every moment.  we are fools to think otherwise.

the chaos of the world is God.

God.  this word is good.  i would not be without God.  God is all.  God is love.  God is hate.  God is pleasure.  God is pain.  God is good.  God is evil.  God is beyond good and evil.  God is eternal.  God is me.  God is you.  God is me when I am with you.  God is me and you when we are with Him.  God is He when All are We.  We are God when All is He.

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But listen to me: for one moment,
quit being sad.  Hear blessings
dropping their blossoms
around you.  God.
-Rumi

Fear.

I must not fear.  
Fear is the mind-killer.  
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. 
 I will face my fear.  
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.  
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.  
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing....Only I will remain.
-Litany Against Fear from Frank Herbert's Dune

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Once again, I fell.  Once again, I drowned.  Once again, I died.

Once again, I was consumed by fire.

But this time, I'm the one who lit the fire.  I overcame fear, and embraced the furnace.

But this time, the kiln did not harden this flesh of clay.  This time, I went in pure and unadulterated by any element as basic as clay.

I went in as a stream of water.  The coals were kind.  They annihilated me completely.  They did not allow me to walk back out, blackened and hardened, as they did last time.

Now, I am free.  I am a river.  I am an ocean.  I am a glacier.  I am a cloud.  I am all things and all things are me.  Only now am I capable of existence.  Only when I've lost track of past and future, can I be in the present.

Letting go, I gained the world.  Detaching from desire, I learned to love.

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The ship rocks back and forth, back and forth.  Sleeping passengers are lulled deeper and deeper into the netherworld by the slow rocking.  Suddenly, the ship cracks, then sinks swiftly to the bottom of the ocean.  Momentarily, there are screams and horrors beyond horrors.  Then, only sleep.  No survivors.

Should we weep for the sleeping ones?  Should we cry for those dreamers?  Or shall we dream ourselves into a similar sleep?

Like the aquatic sleepers, we will be overwhelmed by a momentary terror, but soon face the peace of eternal slumber.  Such will it be when we kill our egos.  Such will it be when we let go of fear.