Drunkenness.

I'm going to be ok, right?

Yes, of course you'll be ok.  Don't worry, everything will be all right.  Just rest and you'll feel all better in a short while.

Lies.

It won't be ok.  You'll survive this night, but it will still hurt.  It will always hurt.  No matter how happy you are, no matter how good you feel, this pain will always be present in your psyche.  Deep down, like the pit of a cherry.

I'm so tired.  Ever since he puked all over my floor I've been tired.  Real life smacked me in the face and I had to take responsibility.  I'm not scared of trouble; I'm only scared of causing other people pain. If all that happened was a slap on the wrist, I would be fine: it's the knowledge of disappointment that knaws at my soul.

I want other people to feel safe.  I want the world to be a safe world for everybody.  Safety means trust.  It means that a person can trust another not to harm them physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  Life has order and there is nothing to fear.

That's why I strive to do good.  Not because I want to please anyone--but because I don't want to be the cause of anyone's displeasure.  I want my existence to validate a person's sense of security in this world: that people can be trusted and that they will be taken care of.

So that's the ideal I follow when a boy pukes all over my parent's carpet.  I will take any punishment my parents deem fit to dole out upon me, my ass is exposed.  I just care about the boy and his health.  If it need be, I will let my parents know that I had alcohol at the house when they were away.  I do not keep secrets if they need to be exposed.

The smell of vomit fills the air.  I begin to have a headache--maybe the first signs of a looming hangover.  How much did I drink?  I don't know--it was enough to feel the heavens and leave the earth far below for a couple of hours.  Was it worth it?  The few hours of elation for the toxins that accompany it?  Well, yes it is worth it.  I learn so much from it.  I learn abandonment and bliss.  No worries.  All over the place.  How things should be.  How things should never be for long.  Drunkedness is a blessing and a curse.  If experienced rarely, it gives insight into the most beautiful forms of being; if experienced too frequently, it can become a crutch and lead to illusionment and sorrow.

Charlie's fine.  He's young and learning.  The body is an amazing thing, and so smart!  It rejects that which is wrong for us.  If only our minds could do the same.